The root
cause of all identification is the “I-thought.”
Just like
every other thought popping up in your head, the “images” of your office when
at home and the “images” of your home when at the office, foods, cars, friends,
enemies, and parents. Don’t get me wrong: images are useful to live in this
world. But they mostly overpower you and are the cause of your suffering. You
don’t believe me? Then why do you rant about your office colleagues in front of
your wife at home? Perhaps your boss is a jerk, but complaining about him does
not alter the situation.
Understand
the fact that these images are not the actual objects or persons, just like a
menu is not the food. It only points to the food. Similarly, all the images
popping up in your head are just pointers. They point to the actual thing or
person in real life.
In exactly
the same manner, when you utter I-I-I-I-I-I-.......1000 times in a day, like: I
do this or I did that, I walk, I talk, I’m going for a shower, I’m going for a
walk, I’m going to the gym, and I’m gonna drive today, I’m gonna do laundry,
I’m gonna party, I’m gonna meet my boyfriend, and so on. Bring your attention
to this subject, “I-the-doer,” or “I’m.” This is what I mean by “I-thought.”
It’s a thought, “I,” or “I-thought,” produced by the mind. It is similar to
other images of cars, parents, and friends, and so on. It is the mind itself
disguised as a pseudo “I.” But it is superimposed on your consciousness, the
real “I.” The day you catch it, understand it, witness it, or write it down on
a piece of paper, particularly in the most difficult times, you’re beginning to
disassociate from your clever self and starting to realize your true self. Or
if you find it hard to catch the “I-thought,” I would say catch the
“you-thought.” Did you ever pick a fight against your buddy? How many times did
you blame him by saying “You-You-You-You” (in a loud voice) during the
conversation? You did this or you did that or you were unfair to me, and so on.
Him being him is the reflection of you being you. He arises because you are.
Often times,
have you experienced that you are stuck on one thing, or cannot get rid of
something or someone? Like a stubborn kid crying for a toy, you might be doing
the same thing for a job. Or you might be crying for a girl or boy, and you
cannot get over them. Have you faced such a situation? Do you ever question why
you are not powerful enough to get over them? Why does your thinking oscillate
around the same situation for prolonged periods of time? The reason is you are
interested in that situation. It boils down to the “I-thought,” or a
self-conflicting situation where you are partially involved and partially
disinterested in that situation or person. It is the same self-conflicting
situation Arjuna found himself in when he had to fight against his brothers
(“my relatives”) in the Mahabharat. Have you ever thought of completely
irrelevant events or people in your life? Why would you? Such thoughts do not
arise repetitively because you are not interested in them.
Always
remember: whenever you face a difficult situation or people in life, it is a
perfect opportunity to see the “I-thought” operating in real time. But you can
do the same in easy times too. You almost always miss the chance if you are not
interested in the truth. You have to be 100% honest with yourself and ready to
face the truth, despite the fact that whether or not you are right and the
other person is wrong in the situation, or even though it is not even your
fault. Just ask yourself: which thought was believed in the first place? What
am I wrongly believing in here? The answer may not come immediately, but one
day it is going to clear the cloud of “I-thought(s),” perhaps when you are
relaxing in the bathtub or when you wake up in the morning with clarity. Who
knows?